The Power of Love

Let’s talk about love.

I know it’s not Valentines Day but I have been giving it a lot of thought lately. How does this apply to books you might ask? Well don’t worry I’m going to hit you with the book knowledge below.

I have to start this off by briefly talking about one of the forbidden topics here, religion, specifically faith. I consider myself to be a man of faith. I believe in the Bible, Jesus, and everything included in that. Don’t worry I’m not trying to convert you in this blog. I just needed to say that because the book I am recommending below is at its heart a religious book. That being said, if you shy away from it because of that, you might be missing out on some truths about love that could help you out in the long run.

The book I have been vaguely referring to is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Chapman has identified five ways we define love. That seems kind of narrow and a tad vague but when I tell you the five perhaps it will make more sense. The five love languages according to Chapman are: Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation. They are essentially ways in which a person can show you they love and care about you.

Quality Time is really self-defined, it means spending time with someone you love. You might be saying, who wouldn’t want to spend time with someone they love? Well that’s not the point here; the point is do you need someone to spend time with you to show you they care for you. Essentially does love=time spent together to you. Some people just crave time with the people they love and need this to be reciprocated in order to feel that complete bond that love entails.

Receiving gifts also seems rather straightforward. Is it by the amount of things someone buys you that you define the strength of their love. I know at it’s heart this seems superficial but every year we run out to florist in droves to buy flowers and we certainly make a big deal of Mother’s Day, Christmas, and birthdays. Some people need gifts as a way of showing them love. I would argue that it’s not so much about the gifts in this case but about the thought when you saw said gift. To the receiver, the gift means they were on your mind and that means love.

Acts of Service means doing something for the one you care about. I firmly believe my wife is an acts of service lover. She quantifies my love for her by the amount of things I do to help her out. Again, this may seem on the surface a selfish thing but we all get overwhelmed from time to time and who wouldn’t like a helping hand. By giving an acts of service person a helping hand you are acknowledging that you have been paying enough attention and care enough about them to provide the helping hand. This is immediate heart fuel to an acts of service lover.

Physical Touch is easy enough. Some people prefer their love to be immediate and rely on physical contact to show it. Holding a hand, putting your arm around someone at the movies, or a gentle hand on a knee are all signs of love to a physical touch lover. I’m pretty sure that this precludes all public displays of affection, as making out in the restaurant though physical touch is not the kind of touch we're talking about here. We're talking about an intimate touch that says to the partner you are on my mind and I love you.

Words of Affirmation are easy to say but hard to do. Our society doesn’t really encourage anymore. We are a society of faultfinders. We are waiting for someone to screw up so we can tell him or her about it. When we do give affirmation words they are usually hollow and meaningless like when we ask someone how there doing. Do we really care how there doing? Most of the time people just say fine anyway and when they don’t we are certainly not listening to them after that. I believe after examining myself from all angles I am largely a Words of Affirmation lover. I quantify how much a person cares for me by their words. That being said, I know when the words are genuine and when they’re just placating or hollow.

In closing, the book has way more than the simple examples I gave you above. I believe Chapman has reached into the root of our love process and found some hidden truths. If you read the book I am almost positive you will see yourself predominately in one of the camps above. I was skeptical and I found my love home. I think that to reach a true intimate relationship that is fulfilling we have to give our partners a little bit of all of the five love languages but make sure we add a touch more of the one they most quantify love with.

Do yourself a favor and read the book, even you guys. Love is not just for the ladies anymore. If you want help in the love process it never hurts to have a little more knowledge.